Lesson from Grandpa

Agency, Ranking, Differences and Change

Or, Observations of a Father

 

    Pride is not just feeling good about yourself, it's the feeling that you're better or smarter than someone else, and that you have more things than someone else. Anger is usually a main symptom of pride. Pride allows a person to judge another person's intentions before they are even expressed. Seldom are they correct. Pride causes people to think that they are better equipped to rule or govern others as a king or dictator. They even developed the idea of primogeniture, or the divine right of kings. It's amazing that people then, and present-day people still believe it. One of the first laws that the Founding Fathers changed was the English law that the oldest son inherited everything. However, the Founding Fathers couldn't change people's beliefs about the subject, and so many still believe they know more, depending on whether they are older than someone else. What I am saying, is that children sometimes grow up in a family thinking that they are ranked or valued according to the order in which they were born. It tends to show up after everyone in the family has become an adult. The older children in a family still tend to treat their brothers and sisters the same as they treated them before they were adults. You perhaps remember Aunt Pearl, being the oldest, told your mother how to fix a meal, even though your mother was sixty, and had already raised a family of twelve. You may think I am picking on you, Bryan, since you are the oldest, but this applies to everyone in the family. We shouldn't rank or value ourselves according to the order in which we were born. Your mother and I wanted each of you to know that we loved you as much as any of the other children. At least, that is what we tried to do.

    This in a way, brings up the subject of differences. I once read a heredity book on plants by Luther Burbank. He said that, "every seed is a new variety". In like manner, we can accurately say that every human being is "a new variety". There are none like each of you anywhere in all of God's creations. That's something to think about.

    Your "birth order" and the family you have grown up in have influenced you. Someone told the story of two sons who grew up with a father who was an alcoholic. After these two sons had grown to adulthood, one was an alcoholic and the other didn't touch the stuff. They were each asked, "why are you the way you are?" The one who was an alcoholic said, "well, what do you expect, my father was an alcoholic." The other son who didn't drink, said, "well, what do you expect, my father was an alcoholic." We all have the ability to decide for ourselves, or agency, despite our environment.

    If you have "normal" mentality, you can accomplish anything you wish. It just depends upon your mental attitude, and your stick-to-ability, to see it through. Don't be diverted. It doesn't matter how old you are, - even I can learn to play the piano at the ripe old age of seventy, - if I want to badly enough.

    And now the subject of change. Like individuals, there will be no other day like today. The weather, for example, has never been exactly like it is today, or tomorrow or any other day. (It has come close however.) You also will never have an identical day during your whole life. You may think that tomorrow you will be able to start where you leave off today, but you will find out that it doesn't work out that way. So, we need to get used to the reality of change.

    Now, I turn to the subject of your mother. I miss her. No one, excepting the Savior, has lived a perfect life. I don't believe, however, that anyone has tried harder than your mother to be perfect. We both had a limited amount of knowledge when we were married. Neither of us had any university course on parenthood. We both grew up in loving families (which were quite different) and had that experience. We knew right from wrong, and the principles of justice and mercy. We, like you, had the added blessing of being members of the Restored Church of Jesus Christ. So, I believe we had advantages that most people don't have. However, our parents passed on to us their methods of obedience training which each of you has had to deal with. You in turn, are making your own parental choices. No parents have it easy.    The greatest parental virtue you can develop is being slow to anger, or patience.

    As you know, my father died when I was nine. I don't have his thoughts on his philosophy of life, other than his good example. So I have written about 150 pages so far on my views on various things. I am sending you a small sample of what I have written, today. I also have been working on copying your mother's diaries and am sending you what she wrote in her "Treasures of Truth" book, which is an outline of her life until she graduated from Ricks College (1959). It is not her day-to-day diary.

    Most of all, I love and will love each of you forever…..Dad